avec_le_soin on Xanga

Weblog

Monday, 19 January 2009

You feel good and you look like you should but you wont ever make us proud

**Warning** I'm going to vent

Oh hell no.. This B*&^% we'll call her LS had the nerve to tell one of my friends that she's gunning for my V. Big mistake. OK. This girl is a tramp. A tramp ho. for going after my guy. And you have some nerve to go after someone who is clearly taken.

So needless to say I myspace stalked the atrocious excuse for a female. She is trying to be an aspiring model. OK. She says she's a size two there's no way in hell she is with her ghetto booty. What size two is she playing at? A Lane Bryant size two? I am sure she had a roll when I met her. Not enough primping in the world is going to get her ahead of me. You have got to be kidding me you nut bag.

She can aspire to be a size two.. but I know I can be a zero. This is on. I have had one of those realizations where I am determined to make my goal weight by any and all means possible. Not that I have been letting myself go or anything. But I will make my goal weight, I will be a size zero. If that tramp can masquerade as a size two I will be a size zero, and it will definitely be a legitimate zero.

If she's going to play that game it's on I am going to be queen of the school yard, and LS is going to have to transfer to another school yard. I am more focused than anything to get everything in it's proper place. Style, Body, Life.
106.5

I'm better than her. I'm just going to make it more obvious to the skank. Send her home packing.

Saturday, 10 January 2009

I'll wear another smile for you. That way you know I'm fine, and having fun with you

I am trying to get my feet on the ground. I have good days and bad days. I binge more than I have cared to.
106.5 this morning.
I can't begin to explain how important this is to me now. I am getting to that place where I was last year. The whole world crashed down on me when my best friend went off to the air force and my boyfriend V. had broken my heart and said wicked things to me. About how he never enjoyed my company and had never wanted me in the first place, he said I was unsexy and he wasn't attractive to me. I was 102 lbs then. So here I am; I'm in the sad sorry state, of staying home on a Friday Night cos he .doesn't want me with him tonight I am beginning to feel like he's no longer interested in me. I bet I'm not sexy anymore. I bet I am on that one way road where I will be a step away from that sense of intense melancholy when getting out of bed is just the beginning of another bad day.
Back then the only thing that kept me going was the fact that when my feet hit the floor, I was a half pound or a pound less than when i went to bed. it was the only thing that made me happy.
Now, I need to have something to make me happy. I need my feet to hit the floor and I need those numbers on the scale to go down. I need to weigh less to be happy.
I know how awful that sounds, how superficial that is. You can call me a narcissist. You're not me. You don't know how it feels to be me. I wish I could be happy another way. I can't. I don't know how anymore.

Tuesday, 06 January 2009

Longer update later...
for now
http://www.pro-thinspo.com

love that site

Thursday, 01 January 2009

The Question is Wouldn't Mamma Be Proud

Happy 2009!!!!!!!!

So I hope everyone had a good new Year. I joined the Thin Resolutions Challenge.
So I would like to share my Resolutions for the year and then just for the month of January.

Year Wide Resolutions

Lose: 22 lbs

Organize everything, room, work, life.

Find Out If I really want to be with V. or if I need to move on

Become more outgoing in a room of strangers and new people

Happy January Resolutions

Stay under 700 lbs, gym 3 times a week
Lose 10 lbs

Happy New You! Weight: 107

Good luck to everyone with their goals and wishes. It's a New You, It's a New Year. You All are Lovely girls and you'll see every dream if you set your mind to it. All the luck and the Love the Strength and the Courage sending to you all.

Saturday, 06 December 2008

ITS IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US

105.0

Yesterday ate- Vegan cookie and small side salad with No Calorie Dressing---amazing
20 hrs fasted
Out-take- Danced and talked all night at a club (diet and rum for a drink and only one)
I'll write more later- I am coming around to like my challenge very much.
more.... a little late
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So I ate a little more than I thought. But my brother my brother came for an impromptu dinner, so we could get Christmas shopping done for the family. Which was awesome but that also meant a stop at our favorite Peruvian restaurant. They have a tomato rice dish and a cinamon margarita to literally die for. I didn't eat too much, and definitely passed on my usual appetizer. But I could have done better by not eating at all. D'uh

Anyway. It's the gym tomorrow and for now I am watching Old School and working on my arms with some 5 pounds weights.
OK dear dear me.
Best of luck to you girls. Keep strong- keep on keeping on!